Putting words together for this blog is very difficult, because this is a culmination of my life experiences. It’s not made up, it’s real. It’s authentic. It’s joyful and heart wrenching. It’s a journey most importantly being pursued by God. It’s not me pursuing Him. Whenever I do search for Him, He’s already there.
I know deep down He’s given me a heart for kids, for community, for adventure, and much more. I’ve had these deep down dreams and desires of my heart for years that have been buried under let downs, failures, uncertainty, dead-ends, closed doors, loneliness, and life. It hurts. It can lead to a life of loneliness, frustration, depression, and more. You feel stuck...and you just want to scream WHY!?!?!?!?! How do I get to where I want to go!?!?!
Transitioning back into American culture after the World Race in 2011 isn’t/wasn’t easy at all for me. How can one go back into a familiar cycle of life after experiencing so much growth, heartache, healing, and more? Not being able to verbalize the experiences and view of God in a totally new and different way with the people where you came from is tough. Wanting to be understood, yet hungry for people to get a(n) taste/encounter of Him that you yourself have had was/is a cry of my heart..
A shift happened when I went to Ukraine and Spain for 6 weeks in the summer of 2014. A peace came over me, finally grasping that my support community from college and home had been there all along no matter how many times I “failed”, an idea of moving to a new place, and much more started to come together during that time.
If you know anything about the Israelites in the Old Testament and their journey to and in the Promise Land, the entire story is covered in several Books of the Bible. Once they got to the Promise land, the work didn’t stop…it had only just begun. There were battles, good times, tough times, and so much more to be learned from their journey.
I realize people reading this are in so many different stages of life. I’ve learned that in order to get to a promise land, you have to go through a desert time. It’s not fun, but You Choose how to handle the circumstances. Find rest in Him. He’s preparing you for what’s next…even if you don’t believe it.
This song, Explode My Soul, has been my heartbeat and lyrically prophetic for what happened and is happening in my life. Enjoy, and thank you for reading. Here’s to the journey.