There’s certainly a line between being self-constructive and self-critical. Being constructive is finding the things, which didn’t do so well, and approaching it with the full understanding of wanting to get better at whatever it is. There’s room for error. Learn from mistakes, apply, retry, practice, and move on. Life still goes on.
Self-critical simply means one is extremely critical and detailed to the nth degree. There is no grace. One internally beats themselves up almost to the point of mental exhaustion. There’s so much hope to do well, succeed, pass, and something comes along and absolutely rejects you from that desire…and your whole world mentally blows up…figuratively. It feels as if EVERYTHING rides of your performance/ability to do well at something. Depression can come from being self-critical…I’ll hit on this more later.
Ever since I was a little kid, there was this unspoken expectation placed inside my mind that there’s no room for error. I’m not exactly sure where it came from. I had/have thoughts that if I do something seriously bad, then it will bring shame to me and my family’s name (we’re very well known in my community). Both parents are retired teachers and having the external pressure of not screwing up was indeed a large amount. My parents never verbally forced or desired this to be on me. I don’t want to be self-critical, but it has just appeared so often in my life.
Being self-critical is easily connected with fear. Fear leads to frustration, bitterness, anger, rage, resentment, depression, hate, suicide, death, and etc. It builds up like a snowball of death…and it’s not white. So, there’s this internal conflict of frustration, hope, despair, determination, and just mess. Usually one shows this externally in various ways. It can be subtle or very boisterous. Usually, others don’t really want to be around these critical people either.
I will go so far as to say that at the root of being self-critical is demonic. Why? The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I hear a lot of evil thoughts in my head when something “wrong” happens. These thoughts attack your core and identity. Such as the following: “you’re pathetic”, “you might as well quit since you’ll never do it right”, “life’s over now that you officially suck at it”, “you’ll never be that good”, “you’re a failure”, “nobody wants you around due to how bad you are”, and etc. You get the point. It’s a whole slew of things.