Yup.  This is the only thing that comes to mind when trying to figure out how to continue where I left this blog site months ago.  I use the word “unicorn” when I don’t know what else to say.
 
I’ve been living in Denver, CO for over 7 months now, and have loved every day.  So much has been happened where I find it difficult to formulate words how I am and what I’m doing here.

Social life: There are so many groups to get into that it’s intimidating.  I’m slowly connecting with groups of awesome people for a community I want to be within for months and possibly years to come.

Working:  I love teaching my little 4 year olds everyday.  They’re so hungry to learn and absorb everything, and I laugh everyday with them in the games we play.  I can easily see the growth in their locomotor, psychomotor, verbal, and social skills.  I have some great new PE lessons, which I will be sharing in the days to come.  I also work doing simple maintenance at a lovely local tennis club.  I enjoy being around a tennis center, and sometimes I get to play on the courts (it’s expensive).

Hiking: Ummmm, this place is amazing.  I don’t go skiing or snowboarding due to $, but I still absolutely love exploring the mountains.  I make it a point to go into the mountains every 2 weeks.  Being in the city gets under my skin.

-Gun Massacres will happen even with stricter gun laws.
-Mental Illness is the cognitive reasoning and explanation people say to grasp why things are carried out in horrific proportion.
-Why?  I don’t give a flying turkey hoot what “belief system” you have, but there’s a clear darkness/enemy in the World that delights in human destruction.
 
Let’s break these things down in basic form.  I guarantee you that even if guns were illegal in the U.S., there would still be killings and horrific incidents.  If someone is determined enough, they can create destruction with everyday objects.  2 sentences, sounds like a good summary to me.  Now to get real messy.
 
Mental Illness.  Humanistic approaches to “mental illness” will never stop the problems. Look at the profiles of all the people who carried out horrific crimes in the past 2 years.  What are their similarities?  Seclusion, deep-rooted frustrations or anger, and/or a deep lack of caring for others are the top 3 that come to mind.  I’m not some psychologist to give you all the theoretical reasoning behind mental instability and etc. 
 
However, I can tell you from personal experience that there are thoughts and voices that are of death.  Everyone has them, and if you say that you don’t then you’re blind to what’s going on around you and in you.  People ACT out of what they believe about themselves.  Think about this for a second.  No seriously.  Why did you just act the way you did yesterday when something unnerving happened?  Was it calm or an outburst?  It’s from how you view yourself and expectations.
 
Mental Illness?  STOP LABELING SOMETHING THAT EVERYONE DEALS WITH.  It’s ANYONE who hears thoughts that destroy ones core and image enough that they start to act out in anger and hatred of the world and life.  “Geez, I wonder where these thoughts come from?”  Where do you think Carmen San Diego?  The Enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy.  The only weapon that Lucifer has are Words.  Words, that if you believe them, they will formulate into an action and then chaos reigns.
 
“You’ve lost your mind thinking it’s just rooted in someone’s thoughts”.  Oh really?  You ever had those thoughts that “you’re not good enough”, “no one likes you”, “you’re a pathetic human being”, “people don’t understand you”, “they don’t accept you”, “you’re never going to make them proud”, “you have to show that you’re better for them to like you”, "you have to get back at them to prove you're better", "your image is tarnished because of them", and on and on and on and on and on?  What do you do with those thoughts?  You either believe them or reject them.  Then, if you believe certain lies long enough your actions reflect your belief about yourself.  It doesn’t take a psychologist or philosopher to figure that out.
 
Evil is the belief that God is not Good and rooted in selfishness.

“But these people sometimes have these chemical imbalances in their brain and rough upbringing”.  I don’t deny that.  Yet, everyone is left with CHOICE.  You EITHER believe in the words that attack your core OR believe in Hope, Joy, Peace, and LOVE that is even more powerful than Evil.  Sometimes people believe that they don't have a choice and have to listen and welcome those thoughts.  I honestly will say I used to think that too.  I thought that there was no escape at times, even though I sensed there was some form of Hope way off in the distance I couldn't reach.  I will also say that the spiritual affects the physical.  Encountering people with love is far better than rejecting them.  You don’t give a person drowning a pill…they need to be saved!
 
“You sound like a kumbaya dancing hippy”.  Why thank you, but I don’t drink coffee.
 
I feel led to share all this, because I can see my old self in their profiles.  I read a profile on one in college in a human-growth and development psychology class.  It scared me stiff.  It almost felt as if I was reading about myself, but of one who had zero support and carried out their thoughts.  They eventually carried out horrendous acts of violence.  I used to believe those thoughts and attacks of ones core. Let me be frank with you…USED TO is key. 
 
What happened?  Oh, I still get those thoughts that attack my core, but I rebuke them now.  Through encounters over time, I was more impacted by a Love that doesn’t make any sense and can erase all fear, doubt, worry, anxiety, and self-hate.  Key Point: Encountered.  Thousands and millions of people have yet received a drop of hope and love from others in such a long time, that they’re hopeless. 
 
How to stop massacres?   Love people.  “It can’t be that easy”.  Oh yes it is. 
 
“You have no idea what you’re talking about and forgetting so many other factors”. 
 
I used to be depressed, have suicidal thoughts, said horrific things, lived in a life of mental torment and hopelessness, and filled with anger and rage and bitterness.  And then Love showed up that didn’t make sense.  It was ugly, in my face, constant, subtle, and consistent.  Love never left.  No matter how low and in some rotting hole I thought I was in, it brought me out of it.  I didn’t deserve it on a human scale, but the FATHER says I am.
 
I know people will want to give me problems for sharing these things that they don't agree with.  And IF you DO, just know that I don't hate you and you are Loved.  People can keep trying to encounter “mental illness” with human reasoning, but it isn’t going to cure the problem.  Love from the Father is.  Loving each other even when it hurts.  Knowing ones worth in Him leads to healing and Life. 
 
“That’s all I got to say about that”.

Moral of the story: You have to get through the Wilderness before you can reach a “Promise Land”.   It could be a storm, desert, wilderness, and etc.  It’s not “fun”.  You sometimes think that “everything is against you”, “nothing goes your way”, “what’s the point anymore”, and etc.  There are always 2 sides to a desert…think about it.

I’ve shared on this site large bits and pieces of my story and journey of the past few years.  I’ve been applying for teaching jobs since the beginning of 2013 after a trip was abruptly shut closed in my face after a year plus of working to go on it has left me with a lifetime of experience and insight.  Door after door after door I knock hoping for a chance and they remained closed. 

Imagine 200+ doors all lined up in a giant hall that are all opened, but when you go by to see if you could come in they all close in your face.  No matter how well you prepare yourself with words or looks, they just shut you down.  Debilitating is a decent word that could be used to describe one’s feelings.  Insanity also comes up to the top of the vocabulary when doing something such as that.

I was filled with uncertainty, duh.  Doubting if I actually wanted to still become an instructor of some sort.  Pondering all the other places and things I could be applying myself towards or doing something that’d actually make some income.  I was almost on the brink of going “insane” due to lack of community and people I knew who understood me and would talk things out in my immediate area.

I never kept count of how many jobs I’ve applied for the past 2.5 years, but it’s a lot.  I didn’t sit on my hands and wonder if anyone would help me out during that time either.  I did what I thought was best in improving my resume and to make ends meet.  I’m extremely thankful for the mentoring and lessons I learned before this tough time.  The encouragement and life people spoke to me years ago continued to resonate deep within me.  Resonating louder than the thoughts of hopelessness even though sometimes those desperate thoughts became fairly loud at times.  Choosing time after time to speak life not death.  Not everyday was pretty, and if it was then it wouldn’t be as memorable.

Slowly and surely I’ve come to a “promised land” area.  The battle doesn’t stop, but only magnifies.  My responsibility has grown even more.  More crucial decisions are to be made even more.  Yet, that’s always going happen no matter who you are.  I am absolutely Thrilled for these new opportunities and work!  It’s not exactly where I see myself yet, but it’s an amazing step forward.  It’s time to buckle down and get to work, because I definitely want to do a good job with what has been given to me.

I constantly remember the Israelites wandering for 40 years.  Whew, I thought 2.5 years felt like forever!  Once they did cross the Jordan into their "promise land", the REAL battle began.  Don’t believe me?  Read for yourself.  However they eventually came to a point of peace and end of having conquered all the land that was promised to them.  Those who have read bits and pieces of the Israelites journey ever wonder “is there a climax/end to all of this?!”.  Well, yes and no. 

Joshua 21:43-45 “So the Lord gave Israel all the land he had sworn to give their ancestors, and they took possession of it and settled there.  The Lord gave them rest on every side, just as he had sworn to their ancestors. Not one of their enemies withstood them; the Lord gave all their enemies into their hands.  Not one of all the Lord’s good promises to Israel failed; every one was fulfilled.”

One cannot reject that this event ever happened, because it actually historically occurred.  Yes, I realize there are tons of other messages that can be taken away from these 3 verses. 

Lets say you get to your goal, endpoint, climax, or whatever it may be.  Ok…now what?  Is it time to just roll over and die?  No.  Set new goals, and continue on from that point while not forgetting the life lessons you’ve learned along the way with eagerness for the MORE. 

The base of it all to its core is…what do You really truly want to do?

I call it a status or place with a ?, because I don't really know what to call it.  Let me describe it to you.  Imagine a place where most people generally don't enjoy being there.  However, due to circumstances outside their own hands they can't or don't believe they can leave for some "reason".  It's a place where most others look down on and don't want to even visit. A place where they don't even realize how great they are due to all of the negative factors around them.  A place where anywhere else seems like a good place to go.  A place that "it's always been like that" so one realizes that the place can possibly change.

Does anything I say sound familiar, or you're just wondering what's wrong with my thinking pattern?  Maybe this status could be an actual physical place or region on the Earth, or a place of one's mindset.  Maybe this is where you're at now?  It's something I've seen, sensed, and experienced all over the world.  So, I know it's not specifically called a city or status. 

Many times people in these places already have the resources or abilities at their fingertips, but simply stay put.  It can easily be frustrating for those on the "outside" looking in...so to speak.  They're "outside" of the place of ?

I've learned that the best thing to do is challenge those in the place of ? with tough questions followed up by words of encouragement and consistently being there for support and challenge.  This does involve sacrifice of someone's time and energy.

You can show them the "door" to the "outside", but it's up to them if they leave or stay, and you can't keep/share/store up the problems that may/will come based on their decisions.

Maybe these thoughts have been a good read for you, or maybe you're thinking I've lost my mind.  Wherever you are, keep moving forward.